


Left To His Thoughts

by Taayjaay



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cutting, M/M, Self-Harm, Smut, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-17 19:41:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taayjaay/pseuds/Taayjaay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry couldn't stand seeing Louis with Eleanor, and he knew just how to relieve his tension.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Left To His Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much guys for reading my work! My tumblr is teacuphaz for anyone who cares :)

Left To His Thoughts

 

Prompt: 

I know you wanted a daddy kink prompt, but I really just need a good oneshot where harry self harms because of the beard situation and Louis finally finds out and there's some intense fluffy smut. All the ones I've read have been.... Bleh.

 

Harry had been left alone to his thoughts all day, and that had never been a good situation. When Harry was left alone, his thoughts came to haunt him, creeping up behind him like a monster. There were no distractions today, and Harry sat alone in his and Louis' dark room and thought. Harry had never been depressed, but these last few months had been a lot harder than he thought they would be. It wasn't necessarily the fame that hurt so badly, but a few of the things that came with it hurt him worse than he's ever felt.

Some of the things that came with the fame were amazing. The attention, the money, the freedom to know his future was secure. Most of all, he loved one of the boys in the band. Louis Tomlinson was probably the most beautiful person he'd ever laid eyes on. He loved how he looked during interviews, the way his hair was blown back and he had stubble growing across his face. The way he just seemed to be built for the fame was unbelievably sexy, and although Harry loved how put together and masculine Louis looked on camera, he loved even more how delicate and beautiful he appeared when they were alone. Louis' feathered fringe flowed across his forehead and his glasses made Harry's heart stop. As opposed to his usual on stage dress, Louis looked his best to Harry in HIS clothes. Harry's clothes were a bit big on Louis, but it was a constant reminder of how little the boy actually was, even when he couldn't be holding him in his arms.

Harry had a massive crush on Louis to say the least, and he was infatuated. The crush was quite blatantly returned by Louis too, and the two couldn't keep their hands off each other. Harry treasured the moments where they could hold each other's gaze, and even more, the little touches. The hand holding and reassuring holds on Harry's shoulders from Louis were the greatest part of his day, and Louis never failed to brighten Harry's day.

Management had unfortunately taken notice of the little touches between the two boys and taken action. Gay boys in a boy band would be quite obviously detrimental to sales, and even though neither Harry or Louis were informed of why Louis was assigned a girlfriend, Harry knew it was because of how close they were. If Harry and Louis progressed to the point they were openly gay, the number of fans they would lose, mostly girls realizing they'd never have a shot, would be so immense and record sales would drop a good chunk. Harry didn't understand how people could be so heartless that where he felt he was in love with this boy, they could just deny him the privilege of being with him regardless of how Louis felt about him.

Actually, that was the reason Harry was left alone to his thoughts. There was publicity shots being taken of "Elounor" today and Harry was told to stay out of the way. He'd never told anyone how this made him feel, and his heart felt like it was ripping out of his chest. Keeping all that emotion bottles up inside, and it was rough to not have any source of release. Actually, Harry had found some sort of release, but it wasn't related to telling people how he felt. Release was found in a small blade he kept hidden in his phone case.

As the thoughts crept up behind him, Harry pulled the blade out of his phone case. It was just a simple blade from a pencil sharpener, small and sharp. He gripped the blade with his right hand and sliced across his wrist, lining up with previous scars that were healing. He never really scarred from the cuts luckily, he wouldn't like to answer questions from anyone, let alone fans, as to why there were perfect little scars lining his arms. Blood started to ooze out in droplets, little red dots forming at the surface of his skin. He pressed another two cuts carefully into his arms and watched the blood surface. The release he needed started to wash over him. It was as if everything he felt inside as emotional pain could finally be expelled as physical pain. Everything was so much easier to handle when the pain could actually be felt.

Harry slipped his boxers down, cutting stripes into his hips, careful not to cut too deep. They didn't have any gigs for a few days, so luckily he wouldn't have to wear jeans which would chafe at the fresh wounds, beads of red stuck to the surface of his skin, pooling on the milky white flesh. He heard the sound of the front door being unlocked quietly from down the hall.

"Harreh, I'm home!" Harry's heart stopped. He couldn't let Louis see him like this, he wouldn't understand. The blade was quickly slid back into the phone case, and Harry hastily pulled his boxers up. Footsteps approached the bedroom from down the hall as Harry brushed the blood quickly off his skin and cleaned the red fluid off with his spit as the door handle turned. Harry's arm was covered with the blanket and he tried to even out his sharp shaky breaths as Louis came in and sat next to Harry on his bed, smiling largely.

"Hi Hazza bear, I'm back." Louis cooed, curling up into a ball beside Harry, face against his chest as Harry held him close. At times like this, Harry felt happy and at peace, he almost didn't care about the situation with Eleanor. It was all for the best, but Harry couldn't help wanting to have Louis all to himself. He drifted into a dazed stupor, burying his face in Louis soft hair, kissing the top of his bed. Maybe they didn't have the average platonic best friend relationship, but Harry wouldn't want it any other way, especially with this little boy curled up in his arms like he was. 

"How was your date?" Harry grinned, smiling smugly as his cheek pressed against Louis' neck. God, Louis was so perfect. The boy sat up in bed and stared at Harry in all seriousness.

"It was absolute hell. I like her and she's sweet, but she's not exactly who I have in mind." Harry sat up in bed, leaning against the headboard, forgetting the fresh cuts littering his arm. That was when Louis saw them, he wasn't positive of what they were at first, or maybe he just didn't want to believe it, but for sure he knew they were no accident. Louis inhaled sharply before speaking again.

"So... What did you do today?" He made eye contact with Harry then glanced down at his arm. Harry traced Louis' eye contact, looking down at his arm blankly before remembering what he was so desperately trying to hide. He peered back up at Louis, making eye contact. He tried to sputter out and explanation, an apology, anything, but no words would materialize as Harry's face went pale and throat went dry. He waited for Louis to yell, get mad, why would he understand? Why should he? What Harry didn't expect was to see Louis' eyes fill with tears, the blue in his eyes reflecting through the pools that spilled over down his cheeks, falling down his face. He scooted over to Harry, and despite his small size, he pulled the boy into his lap and held him, tears falling onto his skin. Harry held Louis so tight, pressing his face once again into the crook of his neck. He felt the love and support Louis held for him so deeply and regretted making him cry; he wished he had never done it. Seeing Louis upset wasn't worth anything to Harry.

"Why, Harry?" Louis whispered, broken and strangled by his crying.

"Lou, you just wouldn't understand... I... I don't know how to tell you how bad I've been feeling and I don't have anyone to talk to, and I... I just.." Harry was sobbing uncontrollably into his best friend's embrace, hoping Louis wouldn't let go. He shouldn't be left alone, Louis couldn't go. Harry had to hold Louis to him, or he might leave again.

"Please try to explain, I just want to know what I can do to help you because I love you."

"But Lou," Harry drew in a sharp breath, bracing himself to get punched. "That's exactly my problem. I love you too, but in a way that it hurts to see you with Eleanor." Louis pulled back, staring Harry in the face. This was exactly what Harry was scared of. Louis was going to let go in a second, then he was going to leave. He shouldn't have said what he did. He could've made something up! Harry basked in Louis' touch for a few moments, closing his eyes and savouring probably the last few seconds he had with his best friend. He waited, but Louis still wasn't leaving. He opened his eyes to bright blue eyes reflecting back at him. Louis was impossibly close; Harry could feel his breath on his lips.

"I've been waiting so long to hear you say that." Louis growled before pressing his mouth roughly against Harry's, as if Harry's lips were something he'd been deprived of for a very long time. Harry breathed into Louis' lips, lacing his arms around the boy to hold him close. Tears fell from Harry's eyes and dripped down his face until both boys could taste the salt on their lips. Louis pulled back and lifted Harry's left wrist to kiss the cuts residing on the skin with closed eyes. Harry winced a bit at the pressure on his fresh wounds, but the warm kisses made him feel goosebumps all over.

"No more, please Harry. You can talk to me about anything, and I will hike you anything and everything you need." Harry's swollen and tee stained face nodded as Louis wiped the tears from his own swollen eyes. Harry laid down in bed and Louis feathered kisses down the boy's torso. He could feel love in each kiss Louis pressed into his skin, and Louis reached up to lace his fingers in Harry's, squeezing their hands together tight as if they had an unspoken promise to never let each other go.

Louis looked up and met Harry's eyes, kidding his fingers into the waistband of Harry's boxers. Louis seemed to be asking for approval, which Harry granted with a small smile and a nod. As his boxers came down, Louis spotted the cuts on Harry's hips and paid special attention to that area. The kisses that were placed on the closing cuts were seemingly placed there to heal the physical wounds as a mother would, but to heal the emotional ones as well. The kisses went straight to Harry's heart, and a warmth flooded his body. Louis sucked Harry's member into his mouth, sucking deeply and feeling Harry grow hard in his mouth. A gasp of pleasure escaped Harry's mouth followed by a short whimper of want that went straight to Louis' cock. Louis hollowed out his cheeks as Harry grew fully hard, sucking and kitten licking at the tip like this was a long time coming. Harry's whimpers got more desperate until Louis stopped and stood up, walking around his own bed that was pushed flush against Harry's to the nightstand. He pulled out a packet of lube and threw it on the bed beside Harry who blushed like a small child.

Louis undressed fully, exposing his body to the room outside the tight confines of his clothes. Harry's jaw fell open. Sure, he'd seen the boy naked a thousand times, but this was something new. This was all different as Louis was rock hard and his blue eyes shone dark with lust as he crawled over to lay on top of Harry, kissing his mouth deeply and leaving love bites on his neck.louis broke open the small packet and coated his fingers, liberally wetting them in an attempt to maybe dull the pain a bit. Louis slid his fingers down to Harry's lower region and traced the tight rim of muscle with a slick finger before pressing in all the way past the knuckle. Harry let out a gasp and a whimper as Louis slipped in, and Louis started to thrust his finger in slowly before sliding another finger in next to the first.

Harry was biting into his hand to numb the pain as he was scissored open and Louis added a third finger. Admittedly, it was a bit uncomfortable and his healing cuts were relatively sore but this was exactly what he wanted; to be with Louis. Louis slid back up Harry's body, pressing kisses to his collarbones and massaging his back and bum softly with his hands.

"Harry you're so beautiful. You really are amazing." Louis smiled, pressing a last kiss into his skin before sitting up and emptying the contents of the packet onto his aching cock. He slipped between Harry's thighs, lining up before big hands became intertwined behind the back of his neck. Louis pressed in quickly and stopped, Harry wincing. Harry tried hard to adjust as they laid together, wrapped tight in one another's limbs. Louis kissed Harry's lip sweetly and smoothed his hair before moving his hips a little bit. Harry seemed fine with the motion, so Louis pressed in deeper and harder, feeling the slick heat envelop his throbbing cock tightly and sweetly. Harry's eyes suddenly rolled back in his head and he moaned deeply, and Louis mimicked the action that caused this repeatedly, noises escaping his own throat at how tight Harry's hole was. Tears escaped Harry's eyes as he looked up at Louis, pouty lips open and mouth hanging open as his jaw muscles relaxed. Harry laughed quietly and weekly, still whimpering as Louis eyes welled up with tears as well. How could he have gotten so lucky? 

A few more thrusts sent Harry over the edge, painting his and Louis' stomachs with hot spurts as he hit his high. His nails dug sharply into Louis' shoulders as he finally got release. Louis came a few seconds later, pumping his cum deep inside Harry, filling the boy up.

Louis pulled out and laid beside Harry for a few minutes, eyes tracing the outline of the boys beautiful face. He knew he could never cause Harry pain again, and whether or not their special relationship could go public or not, Louis would make sure Harry always felt loved and appreciated. Tears down Harry's face came out in sobs as Harry became wrecked, finally feeling released from the tension holding him prisoner from the inside. He turned his face to kiss Louis' lips, and Louis generously obliged.

"Thank you, Lou." Was all Harry could manage to say. Any other words he tried to say just wouldn't sound right; but it was all Louis needed, and he stood up, coaxing Harry off the bed and to the bathroom where he ran a bath for them to share with bubbles and oil. Louis wet a cloth with cold water and sat Harry up on the counter, rinsing him off from his orgasm and cooling the flesh wounds that, although they had closed over, were still fresh and inflamed. Harry was still tearing up, and suddenly he felt but smaller than Louis, much less mature as he said quietly, "I don't need you to take care of me." Louis leaned up to kiss Harry's jaw and then his lips, moving the cloth to wipe away some of the sweat on Harry's back.

"Harry, sweetheart, I will take care of you forever. I love you." Louis smiled, looking deep into the younger boys eyes, wiping the tears from his face.

"I love you too, Louis" Harry smiled, pulling the boy, his best friend, into a tight hug.

Harry trashed the blade from his phone case that night and made a promise to Louis to stop hurting himself, which he intended to follow through on. Louis said Harry's body was to pretty to wreck with scars, and Harry felt loved. Knowing Louis loved him back was enough to get him through watching Louis be with Eleanor. As long as Louis came home to him every night, pressing sweet kisses into his hair after throwing his glasses on, Harry knew he could handle anything.


End file.
